Fresh bear traces near the camp place the 'Alaskan Bush People' on Chichagof Island in alertness. Obviously the animal has not been eating enough bacon before the winter's rest. But there is very little time for wilderness dwellers to find and drive the robber, since the family's new windmill is an absolute priority. Season 11, Episode 02 - Bears of a Feather When a hungry bear breaks into Noah's tent and spooks the livestock, the Browns suspect it is being attracted by the ranch's newest arrivals, three young.
Hiya! Hello - Hello.
- I'm, um the Ahh! Yes, of course! How are you? I'm fine. How are you? Fine. We haven't slept together, and you're not here to freak me out. No, no. It's just with you being a man and everything, I thought maybe we'd had sex. I'm supposed to be working in a bookshop. I'm Manny. - Fran. Um, what bookshop? - The one next door? - Bernard's bookshop? - Yeah. - Bernard hired you? - Yeah, he did. - You're working for Bernard? - Indeed I am. Wait. Bernard - Irish, smokes, drinking, wargh! Yeah. That's wargh - brilliant. - That Bernard? - That's him. I thought it'd be nice, you know - bookshop, books, mellow. - 'Mellow'? - Yeah. What? What? What do you? Run away! What? Hello? Hello? Umm Mr Black? Mr Black? Am I dead? No. Who are you? Have I joined a cult? No, I'm Manny. You hired me yesterday. Ohh! - You remember? - No. How was the situation? Had I been drinking? So, what do you say? What about it? You know, the-the, uh, pay's not great but the work is hard. Are you up for it? Come on, what do you say? I have to say I think you're being a bit rude. - Mr Black? - Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute, miss. - Do you want the job or not, Manny? - I'm over here. I do apologise, sir. Hey! - All right, what did you order? - Lager. I got you crème de menthe. OK, here it is. I like you a lot, Gerald - Samantha - Manny. - Manny! That's the one. I like you. You're not so bad yourself. - Don't touch my arm. - Sorry. - And Where have you gone? - I'm here. You're looking at me. All right, yeah. So What do you want? - You mentioned a job. - What would I have to do? No, um I think you mean in the bookshop. I already work in a bookshop! - No - What about in an aquarium? Er, no, for me. Oh, yes, right, of course. Sorry, yes, of course. - Leaving, Manny? - No, no That's the old woman. - Bernard Black. - Manny. - So, what do you want? - You mentioned a job. - What would I have to do? - No, for me! Oh, yes, of course, sorry! It's very simple. Here we go. D'you want a job? - Great! Yes! - What's great? Had you been drinking? I'd say you'd had a couple. The thing is thing is, um Duh! Wait a second! What time is it? Um, half ten. Half ten? Half ten? I've never been up at half ten! What happens? Look, um - Er Manny. - Manny. Have you ever bought a book at half ten in the morning? Er, now you mention it No. You see? That would be a world gone topsy-turvy. But if this were a bakery this would be late. - Watch it. - Sorry. - No cheek. - All right. I'm sorry, son. I've made some kind of mistake. You obviously don't have what it takes to sell a book. People don't want them in the morning. Hello! I'd like to buy a book! - What book? - I don't care. I'm just in a mood to buy a book. We're closed! Get out! Oh, maybe I'll swing by the bakery. All right, a one-day trial, how about that? Fine, a one-day trial. Fine! Er, one-day Ow! Hello? Yeah. I'm a bit busy at the moment. I'll call you back. What's that, 'ow ow ow'? I used to work a lot with a mobile and now, just before my phone rings I get a sharp pain in my head. What's your number? - Could you pass my phone, please? - Yeah. Ow! That's brilliant. Oh, actually Ow! - Hello? - Hi, it's Bernard. The thing is, we don't actually allow mobile phones in the shop. - Oh, right. - OK? Bye. Bye. Oh, look - redial. Ow! What's all this? The rules for the customers, but they apply to you as well. 'No mobiles, no wigwams. ' Walkmans! 'No snoit no snoity car 'Snoi ' This is indecipherable. Look! It's perfectly simple. 'No mobiles, 'no Walkmans ' None of that, or any of the others! 'Singe bugger cack. ' 'Signed, Bernard L Black. ' Oh, yes? What's the L for? Ludwig, you know. Beethoven. Oh, right. Why did your parents decide on, er? What? Nothing. I'm going to freshen up. - Hello. - Hello. Books, old and new! Come on, come on! - Who are you?! What are you doing?! - I'm just a customer. Oh, yeah. Lunch! Where's Fran?! All right, all right! Come on, lunch. - Shall I flip the sign? - Go ahead. Join us, Manny. Tell us all about yourself. I was born in London Stop there, David Copperfield! If we're going back that far we need popcorn or something! Don't mind him, Manny. Go ahead. Well, moved around a lot, saw a lot of army bases Your father was in the army? No, just coincidence. Sorry, could we do this when I'm not here? OK, fair enough. This could be a lovely place. - It is a lovely place! - If you wax the shelves and get rid of whatever makes you stick to the floor here. You're supposed to stick the floor there. I like it like that. Stops children running. Seal the floor - stop that rising smell, and you've got molluscs on your pipes. - What of it? - Well, they live in the sea. - Get a few more standard lamps. - You didn't say you were gay. What? But, er, I'm not. - But you're interested in lamps. - Lamps. Yeah, but I'm interested in in women and lamps. I thought you were. Gay, I mean. So did I, for a bit. Then I found out about the prohibitive standards of hygiene. And all that dancing! Oh, er Just look at this bastard. That's right. That's right, we're having lunch - come on in. Look at him - look! Why can't they just leave me alone? What do they want?! They want to buy books. But why me?! Why do they come to me? - Because you sell books. - Yeah, I know - What? - I'd like to buy a book. Here's one. - No, I - This one's very, very good! Is it? Yes! You'll laugh, you'll cry, it'll change your life. - 5. 99. - All right. - My change? - Er, come back later. - I'm not coming back this way. - Where do you live? OK, go there and await my instructions. Where's he gone? I thought he might like to look at your spare room. Why?! Oh, you know, if you want him living with you. Are you insane?! He's great. What's wrong with him? He's trouble, is what he is! He's I can smell it a mile off! He he's got all sorts of fancy notions, and he Do you know what I saw earlier when you weren't here? He was, um, sucking his trousers and laughing! - That's a lie, isn't it? - It No! - I'll ask him. - No! Don't! I made it up. You'd be crazy to let him go. You need someone normal around here. He's normal, is he? What am I, then? You're a freak. You know that. Yes, I know! But I have rights! This is what you've needed for the past five years. I'd better get back to the shop. Bye, Manny! You there Lord of the Rings, let's talk about how this whole, er, - one-day trial is going. - OK. At the moment you're fired. - Oh. - So it's not going that well. No. What's that? A bottle of wine to celebrate if the first day went well. Welcome back on board! - These are your accounts? - Yeah. There might be the odd gap here and there. Yeah, there's a gap where there should be accounts, that's the gap I can see, the big account-free gap between page one and page 210. Oh, well. Accounts - who cares? Well, there's a thing here - takings, £370. That's good. But your outgoings were over £1,200. Well, whores will have their trinkets. I can't take care of every little thing around here, it's mayhem! You see? So, you and Fran - Yeah. - You ever, er? You know. - What? No. What? - Ever - No, what? - Have you you know? Have you? - What?! - Together You know - Just say it, man! - Have you had sex? You don't beat around the bush, do you?! Well? Yes! - I think so. - Hm? - I'm not sure. - What happened? Well, a few New Years ago - I woke up - Yeah? - And I was there - Right. And so was she. And so were our friends, the genitals. All six of us were there. Six? What? Oh. And none of you can remember? No. No. Well, I did for a while. I think so. Then she made me block it out. That's it - she remembers and I'm not allowed to. Customers! Why didn't you lock the door? - We can make some money. - But they're students. But students read books - or they pretend to, anyway. It sounds dangerous, I don't like it. Look, give it a chance, and remember this was my idea. OK. Right. Hi! Yeah! No, I'm in a bookshop. No - bookshop! No, no! Bookshop! These things are really well-made. Now now, now Dead! Oh, that felt really, really good. I'm surprised we sold anything after that. What about you - following them round? People want to be left alone. - You don't think I can do this job. - No, I don't. I bet you I can recommend and sell a book to this bloke. - Tenner. - You're on. - Hello - Will you leave me alone?! I'm sick and tired of being hounded by salesmen! I'm browsing, all right?! Browsing! At the end of it I might buy something, I might not! But you will not influence me one iota! Not one jot! Now, I've finished with you, you may go! Best of three? I'm taking some clothes to Oxfam. OK. I usually lock up. Well, now I'm here it's different. Yes, it's different. - W-wait! What are? - What? - Why are you locking the door? - I usually do. But now it's different. Yes, I've never locked anybody in before. No, I can mind the shop for you while you're out. Oh. Oh. OK. Psst! - Has he gone? - Er yeah. He's gone, everyone! - Where's all the books? - What? - Where's all the books? - Oh. These have been sold. Oh, Jesus! Do you know what that means?! I have to ring the ordering place, and you have no idea how incredibly boring and complicated that is. Hello? Is this the place where you order books from for when to sell them from your bookshop? I don't know! I don't know! No! Can you just send me some books? Oh, God! Hello? Who am I speaking to? Katie - hi! Can I get the full Austen, complete Trollope - not you. Er, Penguin editions, new editions, yeah. Oh, Tolstoy? OK, fling a few in. All right. OK, then. Yeah, yeah. OK, see you. Bye. Manny I think it's about time you and I had a little chat about this whole one-day trial thing and how we think it went. All right. I think it went very well. - You sold a lot of books. - Yeah. You got on very well with the customers. - Thank you. - I'm gonna have to let you go. What? But I sold a lot of books! I got on with the customers! It's not that kind of operation. Oh, Fran, er, just wanted to say Hi, Manny, I really enjoyed our little chat today Actually, I just popped in to say goodbye. Goodbye? What are you talking about? What did I do? - What did I do?! - Did you tell Manny he was fired? - You nearly hurt me! - Did you?! Yeah, a bit. Manny, can you come inside? D'you wanna work in the bookshop? Yeah, all right. There. He likes you. - Ow. - What? - Ow. - What? - Ow Ow Ow - What? What? Ow Ow! Ahh! Agh!
You may think a series about a group of lovable losers roughing it in the Alaskan wild is due for another season. You might cite 'loose ends' like Matt Brown's rehab drama or life after the Brown family's all-too-public brush with the law. But the argument for getting Alaskan Bush People off the air is actually stronger than any justification for keeping the hit reality series around, and here's why it's time to say goodbye.
The ratings are sinking
2015 was a remarkable period for Alaskan Bush People. Just one year after its Discovery Channel debut, it was cable's number one 'unscripted' reality TV show. According to the Futon Critic, it was the most watched TV show among the 18-49 demographic for much of the summer. The Discovery Channel was also all too happy to boast about Alaskan Bush People's season 4 premiere, which snagged five million viewers. Once again it was the most-viewed reality TV show (unscripted—definitely unscripted) across key demographics.
It was at their peak that the Browns were blindsided by a shameful fraud scandal, and the impact to their family-friendly image lingered. After about a year of boasting numbers that reached 5 million, season 5 marked a comparative disappointment, and by the finale, viewership plummeted to just over 2 million people—less than half the numbers enjoyed in earlier seasons. With Alaskan Bush People already so many seasons into its run, it would require a drastic turn of events to reinvigorate ratings. A downward spiral is far more likely.
The Discovery Channel is apparently over it
When Alaskan Bush People was a record-breaking ratings success, press releases routinely went out praising the fledgling wilderness show for its dominance. This went on from season 2 through season 4.
However, season 5 proved to be a troubling exception. After the show's ratings took a turn for the mediocre, the Discovery Channel couldn't be bothered to praise the series for anything. Even worse, as of this article the network remains silent about when fans can expect a sixth season. The official Twitter account asked fans for questions that might be answered in an upcoming video, and this is pretty much the closest to an official confirmation that there might be new episodes we've received thus far. That level of indifference should worry longtime fans. To go from proud press releases to casual tweets? Not a good sign.
The show makes the network look bad
One reason the Discovery Channel may be slower to cheerlead for Alaskan Bush People? The show is making the network look bad. Think about it: One of the show's strongest marketing points has been how the Browns represent old-fashioned family values. They've sold themselves as a throwback to the pioneer days: good, hard-working Christian folks.
And then a slew of rumors and scandals emerged that derailed that narrative almost entirely:
And to top it all off…they've forced the network to look as though they're badmouthing the Alaskan justice system:
The Discovery Channel could make quite the breakfast with all the eggs Alaskan Bush People left on its face. While scandals are no longer enough to automatically get a reality TV show yanked off the air, lost ratings (and lost face) should make the network think twice about another season.
Many Alaskans hate it
Imagine a TV show that purports to represent your town or state, but shows an image of your community that isn't exactly true. Moreover, the stars' behavior makes you look stupid, unreasonable, and dangerous. Would you actually support a show like that? Probably not. So it comes as no surprise that some of the biggest critics of Alaskan Bush People happen to be very angry Alaskans.
You can hardly get through a comment section in an article about the show without at least one angry Alaska native sounding off. Even Alaskan news sources are highly skeptical: Alaska Dispatch-News repeatedly mocks the show, and at one point uncovered the truth behind alleged claims of gunfire. In the same article, ADN set the record straight about just how 'isolated' the show was from society—about a half a mile away from a pizza place.
While many Alaskan Bush People fans have never set foot in the state of Alaska, it says quite a bit when Alaskans aren't the first to sing the praises of the show's accuracy. It may be time to stop embarrassing an entire state by allowing the dubious Brown family to represent them.
It can no longer pass as an unscripted reality TV show
We know the Discovery Channel wants everyone to believe that Alaskan Bush People isn't edited within an inch of its life. However, common sense says the show is about as authentic as fool's gold. Take the much-hyped meeting between patriarch Billy Brown and his daughter Twila Byers: after weeks of pretending this was a first for the pair, Radar Online revealed they'd already contacted each other. Not only that, but the same show featured a paid actress as a love interest for one of the sons.
Unless the Discovery Channel is willing to drop that unscripted label, there seems no point in continuing to air the show while pretending it's anything but absolutely fake.
It's getting boringly predictable, even with all the drama
Alaskan Bush People has guns, boats, bears, and the kind of freezing weather conditions that routinely test human endurance. Yet the series manages to be predictable to the point of routine. During the first season, the tough moments were endearing; they painted the Browns as a family that would stick together and overcome whatever devastating challenges lay ahead, including the loss of their boat.
That kind of gut-wrenching drama is moving when it's genuine. Unfortunately, Alaskan Bush People mistakenly thought having those kind of disappointments every other episode would win endless sympathy, and it didn't—especially when the narrative was competing with off-camera scandals. Someone needs to explain to the producers and editors that seeing the same situations—even the dramatic ones—play out each week gets boring. You can manufacture all the drama in the world, but if the audience doesn't buy it, it's a wasted effort.
The health of cast members is at stake
Perhaps the most important reason to take Alaskan Bush People off the air is because it would actually be beneficial to the health and well being of at least two different family members. As revealed in season 4, Billy Brown has struggled with health problems for years, culminating in a stroke that almost caused him to lose consciousness.
Billy's health concerns even forced the family to leave Browntown for a period of months.
Video of the family surviving in the 'lower 48' showed the various kinds of medicine Billy had to take just to get well enough to return to Alaska to film the next season. There's no reason to assume these heath concerns have gone away, and the family emphasized their fear that Billy could soon die. It may be in Billy's best interest to call an end to the family's time in the Alaskan bush—and their reality TV adventures.
In addition to the Brown patriarch's own health concerns, the member that would benefit most from an end to the show would be Matt Brown. As Radar Online reported, Matt was forced to leave the show to enter rehab. Although he feels he's in a much better place after treatment, who's to say the stress associated with their lifestyle and won't contribute to future problems? Matt is the most social member of the family. He may be the best suited to life away from the Browns and reality TV. At the least, the lack of cameras would mean he didn't have to spend so much time pretending to be happy when he isn't.
If the Browns want to stay together as a family and want each family member to be as safe and happy as possible, it may be best to bring an end to Alaskan Bush People.
Time to say goodbye to Browntown
Although reality TV life pays, the Browns' darkest secrets are regularly exposed thanks to their celebrity lifestyle. It may do the entire 'Wolf Pack' some good if they decided to say 'enough' and go back to being private citizens. Taking Alaskan Bush People off the air would give them their lives back, Alaskans their pride back, and perhaps leave the slot open for what could be a superior reality TV show.
All signs point to Alaskan Bush People needing a permanent vacation. Now it's just up to the Discovery Channel to act in everyone's best interest.
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